Deriviknit

The knitting blog by geeks, for geeks.

f'(knitting)=fun

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Are You There Harlot? It's Me, Denise

Yesterday at the Knitter's Frolic, I saw you walk by and thought how cool it was so see someone famous. I wanted to buy your book anyway and decided that if I'm going to buy it, I should get it signed because that's even cooler. So I walked over and bought the book and stood behind the first person in line to wait for you to sign it. You were very friendly and charming and were chatting about things that you talk about on your blog. I felt like a stalker because I read your blog every day and know so much about you from reading the blog. I didn't know what to say because it was so strange standing next to you, IN PERSON! You were talking about wanting to write 'adult' books under the name 'Clementine' and I couldn't think of any funny last names to go with 'Clementine' and the only word in my head was 'Tangerine' and thank goodness I didn't open my mouth and actually say that. The person ahead of me was saying nice things like "I read your blog all the time" and "How is mr. washie?". Then you started talking about Mr. Washie, and that's when I opened my mouth and oh, how I wish I hadn't. You said that you couldn't get a new machine because the renovations you had done wouldn't allow a new (mrs. washie?) into the basement and mr. washie was stuck there forever. Then it happened. I started talking and I couldn't stop and the stupid words kept coming out and you were staring at me like a deer caught in the head lights and I really wanted to stop talking but I just couldn't. I wished I could have let my words just trail off into nothingness but other people were looking at me too and I couldn't just stop. It makes me cringe to think about this, but I suggested that you could put a new machine in the kitchen (not a bad idea, they do it in Britain) and I also made the suggestion that you could take mr. washie apart and use the innards to have fires in your back yard!! Who does that? Crazy hick people who also have bits of car around their property and 17 children running around with the chickens and pigs and other beasties. Why oh why did I think that it would be a good idea to suggest something so ridiculous. I would never in a million years think of doing it myself, so why would I suggest someone else (someone who is famous) consider it? I wanted to disappear into the floor and then you asked me what I had bought and I replied 'oh just some stuff' like a big loser because holy smokes someone who would suggest you have fires in you back yard (which I'm sure is illegal in downtown Toronto) could obviously have no taste when it comes to buying yarn. I don't think I can proof read this post because reading it over again will mean that it really did happen, even though I have been replaying it in my brain since it happened and had trouble falling asleep last night because I knew I was going to have to write this letter to you. You then had a very pleasant conversation with Ami about buying sock yarn to 'Take the edge off' and were laughing but I think you felt a little nervous because I was still standing there like a stalker. What I realy wanted to say to you, dear Harlot, is that I think you are amazing. You are an amazing writer who makes me laugh daily. You are an amazing knitter; how do you produce such beautiful garmets in such a short period of time? You also seem like a very caring and involved mom, which in itself is a full time job I would think. Your pants and hair were very Sarah Jessica Parker-esque and the shawl you were wearing was beautiful. Finally, good luck with your book tour. I read parts of the book last night while I was trying to fall asleep and it is very clever and funny, just like you.

4 Comments:

  • At 7:31 PM, Blogger Tanja said…

    You are hilarious! This story made my night!!! I'm still laughing at it!!

     
  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    You poor thing! I feel guilty that I laughed as hard as I did :)

     
  • At 9:57 PM, Blogger Denise said…

    I'm so glad you enjoyed it, but it still makes me cringe to think about it! I'm glad to see you are back in the blogging world Tanja, how is the little one doing?

     
  • At 4:06 PM, Anonymous stephanie said…

    Denise, I feel so badly for you. I saw this post a while ago but really felt so struck by how alike we are that it's taken a long time to think about. It's ironic that when we met, we felt the same way. I'm so shy (no matter how I seem) and I've often felt like I should run out back and shoot myself after meeting someone. (The mouth. My mouth runs.)
    You should know that I thought you were lovely, and that however it seemed in your head, it was perfect out of your mouth.

    I especially enjoyed the part about the fire in the backyard...really poignant, since we had just bought one of those dumbass things for having fires in the backyard. Should have saved myself a mint and used your idea.
    You were charming.

     

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